Se quiseres.

Se quiseres entrar, deixa ficar a vergonha de lado.

Deixa as incertezas para outro alguém, que não tenha visto já os cantos do teu sorriso ou a firmeza da tua palma da mão segura.

Se quiseres entrar, despe os preconceitos e deixa a gargalhada soar.
Que importa que olhem para ti e te pensem louco?

Que diferença faz a opinião deles, se é aqui que queres permanecer?

Se quiseres entrar, traz o coração.
Sempre foi de bom tom trazer presentes na hora da visita.
Não são precisas flores, chocolates ou garrafas de vinho.

Traz-te a ti, ao teu coração generoso e às tuas meigas palavras (traz as más, também, que tudo o que é demais é exagero).

Se o teu desejo é ficar, lembra-te de trazer amor. Daquele que faz borboletas no estômago ou nos faz sentir flutuar no meio do oceano.

Traz o amor que acorda de madrugada para pousar o olhar em quem descansa. Aquele que se lembra das datas importantes, das mensagens por responder e dos beijos na testa antes de adormecer.

Traz o amor que carrega frases doces nos lábios e nos braços, mas que sabe ser duro quando a vida pedir.

Traz o amor que se zanga, que discute, que não entende, que duvida e faz gritar e chorar…mas que acaba sempre por ceder à conversa e ao compromisso de ideias, vontades e opiniões (porque a harmonia é sempre mais importante e o crescimento e a paciência precisam de ser aprendidos).

Traz o amor que aperta, gentilmente, as mãos e preenche os espaços por entre os dedos…mas que, desesperadamente, procura todas as curvas, relevos e reentrâncias de um corpo por explorar.

Traz o amor que tem esperança, que sonha com o futuro, que vive o presente e que não esquece o que o passado lhe ensinou.

Traz o amor.
E a vontade de sair nunca aparecerá.

A letter to a friend 5

Dear friend,

I feel sad.
It’s not very often that I take time to assess how I’m feeling.
But, today, I felt an abnormal desire to occupy my mind with things that make me happy: an extra five minutes in bed, a glass of orange juice in the morning, videos from my favourite youtubers, an apple cider at lunch, good music while I get dressed, a doughnut and a romantic comedy in the afternoon and cuddling with my cat.
The thing is, after all that, I still felt quite sad.
And when I feel sad, I have the horrible tendency to desperately search the reason why.
And then I conveniently start to overthink the matter and I end up over exaggerating everything that’s wrong with my life.
As a result, I become even sadder.
And to top it all off, I’ve always been such an easy weeper.
That’s when I usually tend to shake up whatever I’m thinking and get on with my life, until the next time I feel depressed again.
Not today though. I stopped myself from shaking off those feelings and I let them sink in.
What’s wrong with being sad?
I know every reason why (although not every solution they require) and some are, predictably, out of my hands. But that’s quite a common predicament, isn’t it?
Although I live in a world filled with injustice and unkindness far worse than the ones I get to experience in my daily life, I’m still allowed my sadness and my worries. Because I’m human and emotions are what makes us who we are. Why then should I feel ashamed of not feeling happy?
All this to say, I’m sad. And that doesn’t mean that tomorrow I will be.
But, if by chance, I find myself again on the verge of shaking my sadness off my shoulders, I will let it rest and “comfort” me for as long as she deserves it.
Because, after all, she’s part of what I’m made of too.

Yours truly,
A human

I like you, so what?

Do you think about it?

Have you ever wondered “what if I stay a little longer”? “What if I hold back a little less”?

I have. I do.

I’ve been slowly falling for your kind eyes, your sweet smile and the way you always cradle my hands when I’m feeling cold. There’s something about you that’s totally new and very familiar at the same time. Like a new book from your favorite writer or a new song from your favorite artist. I find myself in you, sometimes, and that makes me so comfortably excited!

Please don’t ask me when it all started. I wouldn’t know what to answer.

Maybe it was on that day we held each other so tightly, I thought my heart would explode (even though we eventually let go, never to talk about it again)…or that time I wanted to stay a little longer, but was afraid I might be overstepping your boundaries…because, we have to admit, they exist. We so often hide from everyone, that we end up hiding from each other as well.

The fact is I still don’t know if you like me or not.

And, hopefully, you’re wondering the same about me.

You always were a man of few words and I have always been great at beating around the bush.

But, today, I was struck with an immeasurable need of saying it, so here it goes: I like you…very much indeed.

I just hope you don’t run away, feign ignorance or decide what we have right now is enough…
And if you do, it will only mean we were never meant for each other from the start.
You weren’t the one. I wasn’t the one.

But if you do feel the same, tell me. Because I want to love you (hopefully, one day) with no fears, no doubts or misunderstandings.

Will you let me?

Day 2

I often wonder…can I?

Am I allowed to fall in love with you?

There’s something so fragile and so right about what we are when we’re together…so often do I restrain myself on telling you how warm and cheerful your words sound to me, afraid something might shake us…I’ve been there so many times…and each one had failure sitting on the front row.

I am not the young soul I was all those years ago, when love first started blooming in my chest. I sincerely need to believe love is supposed to happen to me. And I so want you to be the reason I do…
Maybe I’m reading too much into your hands and your arms and your smiles. Or simply being impatient. I was never good at understanding when the time was right. At least not when it comes to love.

It’s so easy to fall in love with you, even though you might not believe it. And I’m just human, you know…

I’m sorry if this sounds ridiculous in your ears, if it offends you in any way or if I misunderstood something in the middle.

I promise I’ll keep my soul hidden, my feelings in check, until the day I’m absolutely sure of your heart.

But, if for some vague chance, you share these hopeless thoughts with me, search my eyes. And my constant admiration and, I dare say, love will be there for all to see, you most clearly.

Day 1


Today, is the day I gave up on you.

I’ve never been enough.
Not strong enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not forward enough.
Not patient enough.
Not captivating enough.

And, as cliché as it may sound, it’s not you. You have been nothing but kindness, understanding and good humour (and everyone knows how weak I am for anyone that makes me laugh). I’ve lived for the saying “Good things come to those who wait.”…But I reached a point in my life where I need reassurance. I ceased playing games and waiting for things to move on their own accord. I want everything and I want it now!

I know you’re not quite there yet (if ever you were, in the first place…I’ve been loosing my touch on how to read people)…
So, today, I decided this would be the last day.
The next time we meet, I’ll just be that girl you like to talk to once in a while, the one who’s always complaining about how life is unfair. The butterflies will have settled and the eagerness to see your face will have died down.
The conversations will be less and less, till the day we only remember each other on birthdays…and even those, time will be sure to erase once in a while.
I’ll go back to empty inboxes, melancholic tunes and romance novels.

Life will go on. It never waited for anyone either way.

One day, in the years to come, I will find this little note, in an old notebook, and I will remember your smile. And in that day, maybe you’ll finally hear about me again.


“Breathe, idiot.”

As if waking from a dream, she forcefully let the air enter her lungs.

“I swear I can’t understand how you just forget to breathe sometimes. It’s kind of scary you know?”

“I’m sorry.”

There was a ghost of a smile playing in her lips.

“Sometimes I get so deep in my thoughts I don’t remember how to function. It’s a bad habit, I know. Sorry.”

” You worry too much. That’s the problem. “

” Yeah…Sorry. “

” And you say sorry too many times. “

” Sor-… “

She pursed her lips as to forcefully stop the word from leaving her mouth. Her eyes downcast, her fingers playing with the hem of her shirt and silence.

This was not how things were supposed to be, at this point in her life.
She was not supposed to feel lonely, insignificant and impotent.
Right about now life should have been full of opportunities and bliss! These were the years she should be making memories to tell her grandchildren about one day. But so often did her mind wonder through doubts, disappointment and pain.

He kept his gaze on her the whole time, without turning his face in her direction.

Since when had he been watching from the corner of his eye? Days…months…years, maybe?
There she was in her own thoughts once again. Only God knew what she’d been thinking so hard about these days.

Yes, she hadn’t been like that – aloof, moody and self-depreciating – all her life. This was just a phase, for certain. He just didn’t know how to help her get out of it. That’s what frightened him the most.

She had been his light in the dark, his safe port, his home, his shoulder to lean on. And now that she needed the same from him he was incapable of understanding what was missing.
His affection – he dared not call it “love” with the utmost fear of rejection – had been growing for quite some time and, nowadays, it was difficult (if not straight impossible) to imagine life without her subtle smiles, her spontaneous phone calls and the way her hand so delicately touched the line of his jaw whenever she kissed his cheek.

Every movement, every touch, every word of hers was kindness and love and light.

As the moth to the flame, her pull was naturally irresistible. And he found himself trapped in it quite often.

Ironically enough she had always been a free spirit. Never tied to anyone, always in search of something she, herself, couldn’t quite put into words. Many had tried to catch her in their hands – some more delicately than others – but each one of them had failed to understand that she wasn’t supposed to be grounded unless she wanted to. As a result, they had been left confused and empty handed when she slipped right between their fingers.
Perhaps that was the reason he had never tried to close his fingers around her. She was so much more beautiful when she danced freely in his hand. Even when she ultimately confused him by not ever trying to leave his palm.

He looked at her and amused himself with the fact that now she was breathing normally. His words had always somehow had that effect on her. They always triggered an immediate response, be it physical or verbal. Another aspect of her personality that intrigued him. There were so many signs, gestures that assured him of her inclination towards him…but his fear of the consequences and the lack of control over what might happen when he finally approached her, had always frozen him on the spot.

“I’m sorry.”

His eyes never left her face and he watched as she quickly turned her gaze to him, looking somehow surprised and confused at the same time.

There was a brief moment of silence, where her eyes kept asking him why he had uttered those same words he had reprimanded her for minutes ago. Her mouth opened as if to finally give voice to the question in her eyes.


“I shouldn’t have said it. At least not like that. You’re not an idiot. It’s just that I really get worried when you stop breathing like that…”

He was fully facing her now.

And there she was, not breathing again.
The warmth and sincerity in his tone catching her by surprise, her mouth involuntarily opening to speak…just to close in the next second and for her head to swiftly return to its previous position – eyes glued to her lap and the fidgeting of her hands resuming.
Overwhelmed by the pure feeling of affection in his own voice, he almost missed her quiet one.

“I know this is going to sound embarrassing, but I want to say it…I don’t do this all the time, you know…? There’s a reason for it…Ah, this is so embarrassing!”

She sighed quite loudly, but before he could reassure it was fine even if she didn’t tell him, she spoke again, still looking at her hands.

“Let’s get this over with! It’s you…I don’t know why but when I think about you being here with me, I get all weird and I stop breathing and I’m sorr-“

“You say sorry too many times, I told you.”

While she had been ranting he had closed the already tiny space between them and his hand had rested on her fidgeting ones.

When she finally looked at him, his face was millimeters away from hers. And when his lips gently touched her own, she stopped breathing all together again.

Afraid he had been too hasty, he reluctantly retracted his face, but couldn’t help the words leaving his mouth.

“Breathe, idiot.”

She gasped for air then.

“I’m sorry if I was too hasty-“

Her forehead suddenly collided with his chest, knocking his breath away. And after a few seconds of silence, her voice rough with emotion, she whispered.

“I’m not an idiot. And you say sorry too many times.”

Surprised, he felt her gently wrap her arms around him and smile.
A few seconds of silence followed.

“Breathe, idiot.”

Finally wrapping his arms around her as well, he smiled and contentedly sighed.



I needed a shoulder today…
I needed a hand and a bit of our comfortable silence.
I needed to look into your eyes and feel understood.
I needed to whine about the weather, about how bad I had slept, about the lack of coffee in the morning.
I wanted to laugh at silly jokes and make puns the way only you know how.
I longed to start my day with a half asleep “Good morning!” on the lips, dancing rock & roll and smearing glitter on my face, while your skin got several shades darker.
There is so much I miss about those days…but, mostly, I miss you. I miss the person I was while we existed in that little corner of ours. It was our home for a little while. And we were happy, weren’t we?